IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FLUNKING OUT OF COLLEGE by Dodge Johnson, Educational Consultant
from his Philadelphia Inquirer Column "Countdown to College"
Nobody wants to think about flunking out. It almost always means abrupt uprooting, makeshift planning, and dreary explanations. But it won't be the end of the world if you don't let it. And what you learn about yourself may ultimately be worth the price you pay in pain – and prevent more costly failure later.
Academic woes are often the visible tip of an iceberg like boy– or girlfriend trouble, emotional problems, difficulties at home, money worries, or too many activities. Whatever the cause, as often as not when students flunk out, immaturity lurks in the wreckage.
Maybe they went off to college because it was expected or because they didn't know what else to do. And they weren't really interested in their studies and somehow couldn't find resolve to buckle down. So they surrounded themselves with distractions or anesthetized themselves with alcohol to drown out the small, nagging voice inside.
Or perhaps they thought a diploma was a ticket to Job Heaven and forgot that the fare is paid with the breadth, skill, and learning the degree represents. So they did anything except study. And the semester slid through their fingers.
Whatever the cause, they won't get much out of their college experience until they confront their problems and begin sorting them out. And it may turn out that college is not for them – at least not right now.
Lifeguards say if you are trapped in the undertow, you should swim across the current rather than flail against it. And that's good advice for someone who is drowning in college. Hard as it may sound, if you are flunking or think you might be, the one thing you must do is take charge – today, right now. Even if the worst happens, you'll feel better about yourself and have an easier time facing family and friends.
Here are the immediate jobs:
Probe as to why. Laziness, indifference, procrastination, and distraction are symptoms, not causes. And you won't cope until you know the real reasons. It's like taking out a splinter – it may hurt, but you've got to dig til you get it all.
Seek advice from professors, your academic advisor, and the college's counseling center. If there's still time, take immediate steps to survive.
Explore options like tutoring, extensions, or dropping some courses. Jettison for the moment whatever non-academic activities you must. Organize your time and make a workable schedule.
Not only will you feel more confident, but authorities will be far more likely to give you a break if they can see you're handling a tough situation.
Plan a backup. Consider alternatives like full-time work, technical training, or military or other service. Talk with the college's career center for suggestions. If you're still at sea, ask for interest or skills testing. Plan for something even if it is only temporary. Sitting around, moping, and hoping to 'find yourself' is demoralizing at best, and it certainly won't impress potential employers or readmissions committees.
People may suggest enrolling in some other and perhaps less demanding college. But that's a mistake if you aren't certain that your current problems won't be part of the baggage you'll take with you. If you have positive reasons to think college is the right thing for you now or want to switch to a different kind of program because it really interests you, then go for it!
A word about family. They will be disappointed, hurt, and worried, and they may say things they will regret later. You will feel failure, embarrassment and guilt, and you'll be tempted to say things too. Try not to. Remember, a soft answer turns away wrath. And if you own up to any mistakes frankly, you may take at least some of the edge off their anger and dismay.
Don't wall them out. Let them know how you are planning and what you plan. You will want their backing and perhaps their financial help. Support will come more easily if they are convinced of your maturity, so now is the time to show some.
A word to parents: It's so easy to crush children's self-esteem, particularly at a time when they've disappointed you. If their college has rejected them, it won't help matters if they think you are rejecting them too. If you have been supporting your son or daughter financially, I think you are entitled to explanations. But recriminations are salt in wounds.
If you want to encourage self-reliance, don't plan your child's life for him. Do insist that he or she make plans. Listen a lot. Be positive and encouraging when you can. Emphasize things that show you care and which may help him or her reach workable solutions. If there are to be limits on financial support, they are best presented as something to be taken into account rather than as threats.
Please don't impose your dreams. Too often parents' scenarios are at the root of students' problems. The idea is to help them dream their own dreams – and then learn what it will take to make those dreams come true.
If things aren't working out, consider help from a knowledgeable outsider. I suggest you and your child choose that person together and each pay part of the fee. The cost of counseling is cheap compared to continued failure or serious rifts.
Flunking out seldom needs to be forever. But it's unusual for colleges to readmit a student before a year has passed. They aren't out to punish – they simply know from experience that students who have spent significant time elsewhere doing something constructive are more likely to succeed when they return.
Readmissions committees are not hatchet groups, nor is their primary concern either justice or mercy. They will want to know how things have changed, why things will be different a second time – and they will look for evidence of solid accomplishment and growth in self-understanding. Explanations can help, but excuses will convince them only that you still have haven't faced your problems.
And as you shape your story, it may help to remember that no matter how impersonal the process may seem, a readmissions committee is made of real people, who feel pretty good when they give someone a second chance. But they need to know that you're not only able but also ready and willing.
Home